A Way To Better Understand One Another!

    I have been learning a lot about theories that can help us to better understand the family this week and thought “why not share?!” It was all very interesting to me to be able to learn about how a family works. One of my favorite theories was Symbolic Interaction Theories because it helped explain so much! Symbolic interaction theory is how we draw conclusions based on our background and because of that we can end up misunderstanding things. It can cause conflict and hurt when we draw conclusions based on our background. Let me share a story of mine that to me is rather embarrassing. 

    It is American culture to take your shoes when you enter someone’s house, or at least ask if they would like you to take them off. I was going to my boyfriend’s house where they were just moving in and we were cleaning. I asked if I should take my shoes off because 1. I didn’t want to drag in dirt and 2. I was trying to be polite and leave a good impression. He simply said “do what makes you feel comfortable.” Now, a little bit about me, I don’t like to make decisions and especially in this case where I was already nervous to be going to his family’s house, I really wanted to know what would be the best thing to do. But, since that was his response I decided to be polite and comfortable (I do prefer to walk around in socks or barefoot over shoes). The next few times I went to his house I would take off my shoes and leave them at the door trying to be polite and respectful of someone else’s home. The last time that I took my shoes off and let me emphasis the last time, was the day his brother was there with his wife and little girl. It was hot and I had worn sandals that day. I felt weird walking around barefoot, but I had always just taken them off to be polite so I did. When we sat down to eat, I got up after a little bit to go to the bathroom. While I was gone his brother made a little joke on how my boyfriend should marry me already because I ruled the house, making a reference about me walking around barefoot. When my boyfriend told me this later, I was utterly humiliated and because I’m dramatic I never ever wanted to go back (obviously my dramatic self calmed down and I have been back plenty of times). Now my boyfriend is Mexican. In Mexican culture you don’t take your shoes off at other people’s houses because THAT is being polite. While in American culture it is polite to ask if you should take your shoes off. Now obviously what his brother said was just a little joke that meant no harm and no one really cared that I didn’t wear shoes. However, I did start realizing why he never would take his shoes off at my house even though I told him he should just be comfortable. I started noticing that even his family wore shoes around the house and it wasn’t very often that I was there that they would walk around in socks or even barefoot, that was a rare sight. Now isn’t that EMBARRASING?? Maybe it’s still just me, but I have not taken my shoes off since.

    This was not detrimental to our relationship or anything, but this was my silly example of how our backgrounds, in this case cultural background, can cause misunderstandings and in my case lead to some serious embarrassment where I refuse to take my shoes off at their house. But there are more hurtful misunderstandings that can lead to conflict and disputes. They can even lead to failed relationships. There was a woman who thought her husband doing the dishes was him thinking she was lazy because her father never did the dishes when she grew up. All the years that her husband did the dishes to show her his love and because he enjoyed doing them, she was hurt by it thinking he thought she was lazy. Years later she talked to him about it. He was able to explain why he did it and that he didn’t mean to hurt her, but to instead show his appreciation for her. Ever since then she has happily allowed him to do them. These are both examples of symbolic interaction theories which I find fascinating because it allows us to look at relationships in different ways. It allows us to see maybe why there are some hard feelings or serious problems in relationships. It could be a simple misunderstanding of background. There really are serious problems out there that are more than just misunderstanding, but I think it’s great to have a new way to look at relationships. That sometimes all we need to do is take a step back and ask questions. Asking questions can save us a lot of discomfort in relationships and we’ll learn that maybe we should just leave our shoes on!