Sexual Intimacy!

  This week I have been learning about sexual intimacy in marriage. It was very interesting to learn that sexual intimacy is more than just having sex. It's giving and taking, thinking not of yourself, but of your partner. It is more than just feeling good, but also a huge way to connect with one another emotionally, physically, and mentally.

    I had always thought that sex was just…. well sex. That you got aroused, had sex and that was it. It was fascinating to learn more than just what the what the world has been showing me. I always knew it was supposed to bring two people closer together, but it was still more of something that was just pleasurable. But it is more than just that and made it something that I consider even more sacred than I did before. Now, I have never had sex and am not married. But I still think it is very important to learn and know of this stuff before you get married so that you can have a great and healthy sexually intimate relationship with your future spouse.

    When we are talking about just having sex, men are normally aroused a lot faster than women are and can have a “quickie” while women it is a longer process to get aroused and have get to their peak. I knew this before the class and assumed that that was just how it was, women didn’t always reach their peak and men often did. But, from my class I learned that there is a lot more give and take when having sex. Men often need to hold themselves back and match the pace of their partner so both have a pleasurable experience.

    I found it very interesting to learn more about how our brains our different and that that is what can cause women to not be able to be so easily aroused or peak. When men are told to watch something, their brain lights up really bright in that area of the brain, but the rest of the brain doesn’t or has really low activity. Women however, are very different. Their brain’s light up in many different places as they multitask and think of all the different things going on in their life. When men become aroused that is what they are focused on, not if the dishes got done, the kids are asleep and everything is right so that they can focus on the moment. But women do. So, while men need to hold themselves back and pace themselves with their spouse, the wife often needs to focus in on the moment to become aroused and get the most out of the moment they are sharing. Isn’t that fascinating?! It has so much more to do with the brain than just with our sexual organs, especially for women. I had no idea that it was more of a choice that a woman had to make.

    Now, we often think that men need to hold themselves back and women need to be more in the moment. And that is true, but it is also true that you don’t need to reach your peak to have good sex. It is okay to have “good enough sex” it can still bring you together and be pleasurable. In some of my readings I also learned that people often think they need to match each other “orgasm for orgasm.” But sometimes, men want to have sex and women just want to be cuddled. Or vice versa. It’s okay to have a quickie and then cuddle the other. You don’t both have to reach your peak to have good sexual intimacy. 

    I am so grateful that I was able to learn so much more about sex this week to help me better understand it and what makes healthy and good sex versus what isn’t very healthy. Sexual intimacy is not all there is in marriage, but it is definitely important and brings you closer together. I hope this wasn’t this was helpful and interesting for you all as it was for me!