The Wonderful World of Stess!

     Stress is a big thing that can then cause a lot of stress in the family. There are many different kinds of stressors that can occur in a family. I am going to share a story about a stressor my family went through. Now this stressor I think could be broken up into two different stressors: cumulative and internal.

    What was this stressor? It was when my brother left the church. It was about three years ago and I found out when I was over at a friend’s house by a friend who was there. My brother had posted that he was gay on social media on national gay day a.k.a. October 11, which is also my mom’s birthday. Now I would say that before he had come out to everyone it had been an internal stressor which is an event beginning inside the family. Only the family knew. Really only my parents. I know it was hard for them to see him struggle and they did all they could to help him be more confident in himself, feel loved and stay close to God. Then when he came out it became, for a time, a cumulative stressor which is when the stressors keep seeming to pile up before other ones can get resolved. My brother kept coming out with more and more things to tell my parents before they could get used to the other things. He came out, fought them with the church then just decided he didn’t believe any more, started dating guys, got engaged and it was a rush of one new thing after another that my parents had never had to deal with before. 

    Now, as we struggled with these new stressors, we grew closer as a family, including with my brother who came out as gay. It was very hard in the beginning. My parents blamed themselves so much, they felt that they had done wrong and were heartbroken. As you can hopefully see this was not an easy time. But we had so many amazing resources/blessings that helped us. We turned so much more to our Savior and Heavenly Father who brought us peace, comfort, and understanding. We had countless tender mercies from the Lord, family members, and ward members. We grew closer to Hyrum as we tried to learn how to respect each other and set boundaries as well as still be close. While this stressor was hard, my parents were good examples of how to get through this hard time. They didn’t get angry with each other, but grew closer together as a couple. They tried their best to stay close to their son who was pushing them away in the beginning, and they were good parents to us with all the stress they went through.

     As a family we went through so much, but this stressor also is what allowed us to grow so much closer together as a family as we worked through it together. My brother kept throwing one thing after another it seemed at my parents, but he also was overwhelmed and stressed. I wish he had handled some things differently, but I also know that he was very stressed. We learned how to communicate better and that some things we just couldn’t talk about anymore or had to be more careful about because family was more important to us. I think a big lesson I learned this week as I reflected back on this stressor and other stressors that my family and myself went through was that stressors aren’t necessarily bad. We often think of stress as a bad thing, but it is often when I am stressed, concerned and anxious that I grow. That’s how my testimony in my Savior and Heavenly Father was strengthen. It’s how my family grew closer together and gained more compassion and love for one another. And it’s how I became the person I am today. It’s how we can gain confidence in ourselves. I know my story seemed kind of stressful and bad, but I look back and I see all the wonderful things that came out of it and how much we grew from it. It was a crazy new experience for all of us and we grew from it. I hope this helped you all see how whatever you have gone through or will go through that the stressful situations aren’t necessarily bad; they can help you. Just keep going and see how the Lord will bless you!